umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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