I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
