when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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