Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
