This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
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