It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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