how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
