2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Alive.
So much puke
Randomize
