So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You have to summon your inner elephant
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
