Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
