I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
