I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
