Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
