I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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