Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
