She announced her abortion via fbk
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
