I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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