so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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