I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Every concussion has its silver lining
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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