Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
