i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
