I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
