I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
