A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
