that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Dick very happy bro
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
