You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
