NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
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Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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