I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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