cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
