wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
