You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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