I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
