My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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