your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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