my vag is so smooth its legendary
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
birth control should be required to get into college
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
