Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
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