We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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