So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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