insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
