I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
