This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
