3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
