And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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