I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
