is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
