I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
