I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
