Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Someone shit on the floor
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
