i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
