Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
