she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
