I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
