at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
