What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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