I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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