wrigley field is MILF paradise
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
