I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
