Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
