Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
