When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
