i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
