I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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