can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
