Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
