Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
