My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
