I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
