so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
