just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Randomize
