you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
